Ledger

Issue date: 2/2/10 Section: Arts & Entertainment

Through movies, advertisements, television shows and Hallmark cards, we have been conditioned to view Valentine's Day as heart-shaped chocolate boxes and red roses. No matter the stage of your relationship, there are different rules to go by. Chocolates and roses may not necessarily be the gift to give.
Valentine's Day has a different meaning to different people, doing too much or too little when the other person doesn't necessarily feel the same way about Feb. 14 can be problematic, spelling trouble for a new relationship. If you are unsure about what to give someone you have just met, your partner of a couple months, or your committed soul mate this coming Valentines Day, read on.
When you have just met:
When planning your Valentine's Day out with someone you have just met, it is unrealistic to expect a big, romantic celebration. That doesn't mean you can't go out and do something fun. Try to be more original and natural rather that donning your red bow tie or glittering rosy dress and heading out to the fanciest restaurant in town. Let this date be a joint effort and communicate with your partner rather than surprise them. Agree on an activity the two of you would enjoy. If you sense the slightest bit of hesitation on your new partner's side, don't push it. Schedule a date for another less-contrived day. After all, you just met him/her; they could already have made plans.
If the two of you do get together that day, should you bring a present? It's okay to bring something small, that way if your partner did not get you a gift it won't be a huge embarrassment. A small gift that is not a profession of your undying love can be a thoughtful gesture. No matter what you choose to do, be prepared to not receive a gift from the other person. Go into this without expectations, it will make it much more relaxing.
You've been dating for several months:
At this point, you either know the person you are with is "the one" or you just have a great time with him/her. Regardless, if you have been exclusively dating for a few months, it is natural to expect to make Valentine's Day plans. You still should communicate with your partner about making plans though. Say something like "Valentine's Day is two weeks, do you want to make plans or pretend it doesn't exist?" How the person reacts will be a good test of where your relationship is going. If you're opinions differ, try to reach a compromise.
In terms of gift giving, it is more expected if you have been dating for several months. But do not take this to mean that you can go out and splurge on some ridiculously extravagant memento of your devotion to him/her. Try to get something meaningful, that shows your partner that you make an effort to know what he/she likes. Giving a gift the two of you could enjoy, perhaps tickets to a game if you know your partner is a sports buff, or a night away together - can guarantee more shared good times together.

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